Why you should buy a TANK and NOT a sports car
It's true! What you need, isn't a flashy sports car - what you really need is a Chieftain Main Battle Tank.
Now before you start writing a strongly worded complaint letter, let me explain why. For the same price as a 2018 Alpine A110, a Porsche Cayman 718 or Audi RS3 - You could instead own a Chieftain MK10 complete will Stillbrew composite armour (Kind of like an optional extra). But why would you need a tank? Well think of all the benefits! First of all, you'll never be caught speeding, mainly because the top speed of a Chieftain is 30mph so you'll always be exactly on the speed limit. It also has an on-board kettle if you fancy a cuppa and even a 120mm L11A5 tank cannon included in the deal. Road rage is no longer a problem, because Mr Audi man isn't really going to want to pick a fight with your 55 ton tank which is always a plus. Safety is fantastic, being able to withstand incredible impacts with other vehicles as well as survivability from RPGs, IEDs and the odd nuclear explosion. Yes, but it's not very practical is it? Ah! You see that's where you're wrong - Imagine you're on the school run. All of those football mums, normally called Karen, with their Range Rover evoques parking on double yellows are no longer a problem. If you need somewhere to park, you make the parking space... Plus, you'll be the coolest parent in the school playground. Or most hated - both are entirely possible. Did I mention the 120mm tank cannon already?
Ever wondered how some people manage to fill up their car with the wrong type of fuel? Maybe you are this person (how did you manage it?) - Well fear not! This is no issue in the glorious Chieftain thanks to it's incredibly reliable, British Leyland engine with the ability to run off of both petrol and diesel... We'll gloss over the 90% break down rate.
Right, but can it be fun on a country lane? Absolutely. Worried about single track lanes? Fear not - in the Chieftain you can make your own lane, because you can go anywhere you want - you're a tank. If there's another road user coming your way, cresting banks and hills is no issue. It's the perfect all rounder. What's the performance like? Glorious. The MK10 comes with a 19 litre, 6 cylinder engine pushing out 750bhp (eat your heart out Ferrari) and horizontal coil spring suspension. More than enough to cope with the odd speed bump! Power to weight ratio is a brilliant 11.1bhp per ton so no need to worry about power. It's got you covered. All of this can be yours for a brilliant price of £46,000 in perfect running condition (APDSF shells not included - Police might have something to say about that one). Bargain if you ask us... Image source: tanks-a-lot
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